Religulous – My New Boyfriend

Christmas Angel, Sing To Me…

(Annual Repost)

Even as a non-believer, and even with all that the holiday entails (the myths, the inventions, religion), I’ve always adored Christmas. To me, and for me, it’s always been the ethos of the holiday – the carols, decorating the trees, the tidings of great comfort and joy from loved ones, the spirit of love and compassion and the conceptual peace-on-Earth-good-will-toward-men. Naive, perhaps, maybe even foolish; some might proclaim (as I’ve done so very often) that reality dictates it is not love that makes the world go round, but money, greed, hate and intolerance. And, more often than not, they are masqueraded in the religious dogma that, ironically – and speciously – enough, they allege opposition to.

But it is not – and never was, for me – the religious doctrine or the mythology; rather the ideal of the season, and I never let that aforementioned reality imbue my unabashed immersion of Christmastime and the power that rescinds that reality. You don’t have to believe in a virgin birth to hold tight the tenor of Christmas.

Sorta how (Calamities of Nature’s version of) Linus’ soliloquy from “A Charlie Brown Christmas” explains it (click to enlarge):

More specifically, his last paragraph.

For me, Christmas is my love. Christmas is my friends. Christmas is family. Christmas is battling the vampires and dragons to the death for the ones that you love. Christmas is progress, not regress. Christmas is believing, if even for a nanosecond, that perhaps love – and not hate – actually does make the world go round. Or at least our love makes our worlds go round – those fortunate enough to have love, family and friends. Christmas is a community that lends its hands – and hearts – to those in most need during this holiday.

Platitudinous? Perhaps. But I’m not ashamed to own it. The “Christmas spirit” should be the spirit of the “every day.” We are the captains of our own souls and create our own fates…so, we need to be the person who we can actually look into the mirror at. Perhaps be even more than that reflection, not less.

Many, many years ago, once upon a time, when I was a wannabe songwriter and self-proclaimed poet, I wrote this little poem below, and while the innate message is of “hope and love,” this Christmas poem was crafted during a period I call my dark ages – a chapter in my life I look back upon only in abstract awe that I actually ever survived. Perhaps those stories are better left hidden within the storehouses of my soul. But even then, as now – whatever demons resurrect(ed) in my life, I, again, never let them deter my adoration of the holiday spirit, even when it seems an impossible task.

What has made my heart smile over the years is knowing that friends I cherish love this poem. Especially those with children. After copyrighting it years ago, a few years after writing it, I hand-wrote it (ah, the lost art of the handwritten word!) inside the Christmas cards I sent that year and the response was lovely and surprising. It was such a simplistic thing (it actually rhymed!) literally written while on a ten minute walk home from the subway, passing glorious neighbourhood holiday decorations while kids were running around the local park. Yet, throughout the ensuing years friends told me they actually read it to their children! How can my soul not gleam at the thought that my unsophisticated words of optimism in darkness would bring such light to others? I was honored and deeply humbled. As I still am.

And, as uncomplicated as it might be, it is how I feel throughout the holidays…and I share it here because if it can possibly put the smallest smile on a face, then it’s worth sharing. It’s not a monumental work; hell, it ain’t even the opposite of that. It is not of epic proportions. It’s merely guileless and mildly sanguine. But it, simply, is.

I want to wish all my family and friends…near and far, tangible and intangible, a most extraordinary holiday beyond our dreams and aspirations, and a new year filled with promise. Enjoy your days surrounded with people you love. I wish for all who read this – friends, family, strangers – the most magical Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy Kwanzaa. Happy Chanukah, Happy Festivus, or however you choose to observe. Set asunder your beliefs or non-beliefs, whatever your religious or non-religious persuasions. Forgo the animosity you might imbibe in a world you might find indifferent.

Even for a scintilla of a moment, will it hurt for anyone to just…believe?

Christmas Angel
(a holiday dream…)

Where is the snow at Christmastime?
Where are the songs that I sing in rhyme?
They’re inside your heart and they ring in time
Open your soul…let your soul shine

Christmas angel
Sing to me
Meadowlark
Don’t abandon me
Santa Claus
I need you now
Don’t want the Grinch
Coming around

So I dance in the flight of the snow-white dove
As I swallow the flakes as they land on my tongue
And I carol all night to the ivory and pine
With chestnuts afire…an intervention divine?
While the children playing with the snowman, pleased
Creating snow angels at the trunks of the trees
And I thank you, Christmas angel, for bringing me here
Even Mr. Scrooge, full of holiday cheer

Christmas angel
Sings to me
Meadowlark
Lets me fly on her wing
And Santa Claus has come to town
I knew he’d never let me down
He never ever lets me down

@1998 Sage Song Musings

Christmas Angel, Sing To Me…

Even as a non-believer, and even with all that the holiday entails (the myths, the inventions, religion), I’ve always adored Christmas. To me, and for me, it’s always been the ethos of the holiday – the carols, the trees, the spirit of love and compassion and the conceptual peace-on-Earth-good-will-toward-men. Naive, perhaps, maybe even foolish; some might proclaim (as I’ve done so very often) that reality dictates it is not love that makes the world go round, but money, greed, hate and intolerance. And, more often than not, they are masqueraded in the religious dogma that, ironically – and speciously – enough, they allege opposition to.

But it is not – and never was, for me – the religious doctrine of the mythology; rather the ideal of the season, and I never let that aforementioned reality imbue my unabashed immersion of Christmastime and the power that rescinds that reality. You don’t have to believe in a virgin birth to hold tight the tenor of Christmas.

Sorta how (Calamities of Nature’s version of) Linus’ soliloquy from “A Charlie Brown Christmas” explains it (click to enlarge):

More specifically, his last paragraph.

I want to wish all my family and friends…near and far, tangible and intangible, a most extraordinary holiday beyond our dreams and aspirations, and a new year filled with promise. Enjoy your days surrounded with people you love. I wish for all who read this – friends, family, strangers – the most magical Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy Kwanzaa. Happy Chanukah, Happy Festivus. Set asunder your beliefs or non-beliefs, whatever your religious or non-religious persuasions. Forgo the animosity you might imbibe in a world you might find indifferent.

Even for a scintilla of a moment, will it hurt for anyone to just…believe?

Christmas Angel
(a holiday dream…)

Where is the snow at Christmastime?
Where are the songs that I sing in rhyme?
They’re inside your heart and they ring in time
Open your soul…let your soul shine

Christmas angel
Sing to me
Meadowlark
Don’t abandon me
Santa Claus
I need you now
Don’t want the Grinch
Coming around

Christmas angel
Sings to me
Meadowlark
Lets me fly on her wing
And Santa Claus has come to town
I knew he’d never let me down
He never ever lets me down

@1998 Sage Song Musings

Texas: United State Of Hate

In one of his many brilliant NEW RULES segments last year, Bill Maher stated (and I paraphrase), “Of course not all Republicans are racist – it would be stupid to say that. But if you are a racist, you’re probably Republican”. It was astoundingly simple and absolutely true.

But the term RACIST could be interchanged with HOMOPHOBIC, or the word HATEFUL, in general.

“Of course not all Republicans are HOMOPHOBIC. But if you are HOMOPHOBIC, you’re probably Republican.”

“Of course not all Republicans are HATEFUL. But if you are HATEFUL you’re probably Republican.”

I’ll give the Republican Party this – at least they’re BOLD with their hatred for their fellow countrymen. What irks me is COWARDICE. If you hate, then EMBRACE YOUR HATE, and stop the mendacity about NOT being filled with such hate. Reading through Texas’ 2010 STATE REPUBLICAN PARTY PLATFORM, you’ll find segments seeped with such vitriolic enmity. Yet, ask any Republican politician and they’d never admit such animosity. Cowards.

Once upon a time, hating your fellow man in politics was fringe-based – politicians weren’t so obvious. These past few years, it’s out in full force more powerfully than ever before.

If Texas Republicans have their way, we’ll have to rename America THE UNITED STATES OF HATE:

FINAL 2010 STATE REPUBLICAN PARTY PLATFORM

Music Box: On The 8th Day Of (Jeffrey)Christ-mas…

…Jeffrey gave to you…Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s “The Power Of Love”.

Yeah, I’m cheating here, I know, because when the song was released on FGTHs debut WELCOME TO THE PLEASUREDOME album back in 1984, I’m not sure the birth of Jesus Christ was on the minds of the same songwriters whose first hit single from the album was the world-wide #1 (banned in the U.K.) gay sex anthem “Relax” (the anti-war “Two Tribes” was their second consecutive #1).

But, make no mistake, “The Power Of Love” is one of the great love songs of the 80s, and it became one of the great Christmas songs of all-time almost by fiat. Master video pioneers Godley & Creme (whose classic “Cry” video immortalized the morphing technique later popularized by Michael Jackson’s “Black Or White”) shortened the original album track by two minutes, added a nativity theme to commemorate its December #1 status, and a Christmas classic was born.

The staggering sweep and scope of the song itself lends well to the ideal of the holiday, although lyrically, it’s a head-scratcher to juxtapose (but in the world of music video, how often is the text paralleled to the visual?)

Lead singer Holly Johnson’s opening lines of the song were cut from the video, yet are kept within the song (the hauntingly beautiful imagery of “I’ll protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door…”). At times broad-voiced and nasal, his odd vibrato mixed with an unwavering passionate yearning – he propels the ballad into classic territory on aesthete alone. His delivery is chill-inducing.

I can’t imagine that Frankie Goes To Hollywood ever resented “The Power of Love” becoming synonymous with Christmastime; while it was their third #1 smash in as many releases, it could have lived and died at that, to be scattered amongst the thousands of #1s throughout history as a fond memory (also, I’m not sure who else besides me elevate this to ‘classic love song’ status). But, thanks to Godley & Creme, this near-perfect masterpiece is an annual seasonal staple.

Music Box: On The 2nd Day Of (Jeffrey)Christ-mas…

: The Christian ~ D’Onofrio Residence, December 2008

****

…Jeffrey gives to you…something he, himself, is totally bamboozled by – Mariah Carey’s “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing/Gloria (In Excelsis Deo)”.

It’s a personal opinion, of course (and for years I was in the minority, though not so much anymore), but there hasn’t been a listenable album in the whole of Mariah Carey’s archives – she morphed from Mrs. Tommy Motolla’s conservatively-clad fembot with a piercing, wheezing voice millions mistook for a prodigious range, to a scantily clad hip-hip earwig, selling her breast implants and porn tics to the masses with nary a memorable hook in earshot (I re-christened her curiously heralded “comeback” THE EMANCIPATION OF MIMI as THE ATTACK OF THE SCREAMING MIMI).

It’s actually no real surprise that the only memorable CD in her catalogue is her wonderful MERRY CHRISTMAS anthology, released back in 1994 while still under the influence of her Svengali husband. If nothing else, Motolla kept Carey’s public image thwarted of the overt sexual histrionics (not that sexuality is a negative, of course) that would plague her post-divorce output. MERRY CHRISTMAS is chock full of exhilarating holiday staples and wondrous originals; her composition “All I Want For Christmas Is You” stands tall with the most ineradicable holiday classics and was going to be my (Jeffrey)Christ-mas Day 2 selection.

But the one track I am continually drawn back to – hence its inclusion here – is her interpretation of “Hark!” which is, in a word, magnificent. She doesn’t allow the self-infatuation with her own voice to negate the beauty of the arrangement, instead allowing it to be the vessel for the song’s exquisite simplicity. The song ends when it should, with no typical Careyisms, no vocal acrobatics, no diversion from the melody to belabor her usual solipsism. MERRY CHRISTMAS is a treasure trove, and “Hark…” one of its most shimmering pieces.

Music Box: The 12 Days Of (Jeffrey)Christ-mas

Another year, another Christmas. My feeling about the holidays always border on mercurial. Mostly, I bask in the beauty of the spirit, but there are those moments in time when I could feel the soul of Ebenezer creep in. Such is human nature, I surmise, but more often than not, I love the spirit that ’tis the season and find myself bathed in its emotional pull.

Okay, I’ll admit it. When it comes to the holiday and holiday music, I’m a big fat sap.

Which, as a logician, and thus a non-believer, puts me in an odd situation. Some decry or belittle my passion for Christmas and its seasonal tunes – I’m often accused of hypocrisy; “How? You’re an atheist – a non believer!! Blah blah blah!!!” Fair enough (those same town criers say the same because of my love of gospel), but as I alluded earlier, it’s the spirit (yes) but also the ideal of the holiday, and what it should bring out in mankind. It often fails, apparently, but there’s no harm in the yearning. So, I love religious carols too, despite the doctrine. Oh well, it is what it is.

Which brings me here. Because of my unabashed joy of the season, I decided to bring to you these next 2 weeks the 12 Days of (Jeffrey)Christ-mas…a fête, if you will, of some of my favorite carols and canticles, religious and secular, holly and jolly, happy and bittersweet. Now, these selections are not always sung by the most obvious of artists, and not necessarily performed by household names, and a few might or might not be standards, while others have been played to death.

But all hold a special place in my soul – and that is the common denominator.

As a footnote, I will say this – I could easily have written the 20 Days of (Jeffrey)Christ-mas, or even the 30 Days of (Jeffrey)Christ-mas. There are literally hundreds of other songs I could have posted and the aesthete would have been the same.

Happy holidays to you all, believers and non-believers alike.

****

On the First Day of Christmas, Jeffrey gave to you…Darlene Love singing “Christmas Baby (Please Come Home)” live from last year’s David Letterman appearance. It’s been a tradition for many years – Letterman invites Love on his show to perform this seminal seasonal classic from what is arguably (or inarguably, if you ask me) the greatest Christmas CD of them all, A CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU FROM PHIL SPECTOR. Forget U2s smarmy version (Bono? Smarmy? Noooo!!), the Love original – or any live performance thereof – are the only readings of this song you’ll ever need to hear.

Her canon is rich with some of the most indelible Rock and Roll classics, and her voice has held up better than most women half her age – the most amazing thing about Love is that year after year she never loses her innate joy in her recitals and you realize that the thrill isn’t only in our listening. Like the song, Love remains eternal…

Dear God, Are You There? It’s Me, Jeffrey. Hello? Knock Knock!

Years ago, after the heinous Dr. Laura Schlessinger spewed her typical anti-gay rhetoric on the masses via her call-in radio show, an online “Dear Dr. Laura” letter was written inquiring about other biblical no-no’s. The “Dr. Laura” was changed to “Dear President Bush” when George Jr. used gay marriage as a platform to rile the religious fanatics, which was instrumental in his historically disastrous re-election.

It’s 2009, and it boggles the senses that there are still far too many homophobic, persnickety lil’ curmudgeons that this “Dear XXXX” can be forwarded to – while equality has progressed leaps and bounds in the past few years (marriage notwithstanding), its greatest foes remain those who will prostitute their lord’s name to promote their hateful agenda.

So, instead of asking Dr. Laura or Georgie boy, or hate-monger Maggie Gallagher of the hate-group iMAPP, or the detestable, demented Michelle Bachmann of Planet Ineedacatscan, or pageant contestant/mental mooncalf Carrie Prejean and her pimps at NOM, I decided to go to the big imaginary source in the sky himself. I mean, why siphon his message through such acrimonious channels? Isn’t God all about loving thy neighbor and blah blah blah?

I reworded most – and switched around the original sequences – of that “Dr. Laura” letter and was about to send this message to God myself when I realized I don’t have his e-mail address. Hmmm, I don’t even have his snail-mail address. Then I realized, he IS the almighty, and I am sure he reads Mynewboyfriend.com, so if I merely click my heels three times, or perhaps just press PUBLISH, He’ll just…know! Ta dah!

I took it upon myself to add links to the notated biblical versions. You know, in case God had any momentary lapse of memory for what he actually said. I know! I’m such a good atheist!

Dear God,

Thank you for allowing your denizens here on Earth to educate people regarding your laws. I have learned a great deal from them, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can, even when it’s filled with hatred for me. When I try to defend my homosexual “lifestyle”, for example, they simply remind me that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate, right? I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of your more specific laws and how to best follow them.

I have friends with the tendency to curse…a lot. Is it really necessary that we go through the trouble of getting my whole town together to stone them? I mean besides it being your Numero Uno commandment, you state it again in Lev.24:16, so I’m not sure what they expected, ya know? But couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev.20:14)? I know, I know. Ew.
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice (and to be honest, the only bull I’ve burned wasn’t sacrificial, unless you count an all-American July 4th BBQ an immolation to the flag), I know it creates a pleasing odor for you, my Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?
If I had one, I’m not so sure I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. But I have a few nieces – does that count? And in these modern times, with the economy in the toilet, plus factoring in 2000 years of inflation, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24) which is a-ok by me since my “problem” is the aforementioned Lev.18:22. The problem is my straight male friends. How do they bring this sensitive subject up in post-dinner, pre-coital conversation? They’ve tried asking, but as you’d expect, most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the pagan nations that are around us. Being geographically retarded as I am, a friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? I don’t mind really…he’s kind of a human hemorrhoid, if you know what I mean…
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree (obviously!). Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God (that would be you, sir) if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear prescription glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? I mean, they’re really hot Kio Yamato frames and I must admit I look fab in them. You should see me! Oh, wait! Silly me!
Lev. 19:27 says that a man can’t get his hair or beard trimmed. My Lord, have you SEEN me unkempt? It ain’t pretty…can you make an exception? For me?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching/eating the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but if I actually wanted to (which I never do), may I still play football if I wear gloves? And is eating a post-game pork chop thus an abomination?
My uncle has a farm. Okay, not really, but for the sake of inquisition let’s say he does. And let’s say he violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife (my imaginary aunt) by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (polyester/cotton blend – not exactly the fabric of our lives). What do we do with them?

You know, God, I have so many other questions for you, but I don’t wanna weigh you down with too much. I mean, it IS Sunday, and as we all know, it’s your day of relaxing in the, uh, sun.

While I know your earthly mouthpieces have studied these things extensively as they have learned at your most divine feet, so far they ain’t answering. So I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that your word is eternal and unchanging.

I’ll be waiting on your response. But, please, take your time. No rush.

Love, Jeffrey~

Not Second Class Citizens

****

I could not be in Washington on this historic day but my spirit resides within – and stands tall aside – the over 250K TRUE AMERICANS who marched together for the undeniable right to marry who they love.

Fight on, my fellow TRUE AMERICANS. We WILL win – against the serrated homophobes entrenched in their own vitriol; against the vile hatred of the demagogue’s on the right (and left); against the true ANTI-AMERICANS who don’t believe in justice and equality for all and who mangle and twist history and truth for their own evil schema; against the religious zealots who claim to know what their God is thinking, by transcribing ancient scrolls written thousands of years ago, encapsulated within 10 Commandments that not only do NOT mention homosexuality, but whose very existence is negated by the fact that the majority of humans have broken them, ten-thousandfold (it’s nice to know that if I AM going to a place called ‘hell’ for being gay, I’ll be in the company of every man and woman who has ever said “Goddamn it”. That’s the very first of these commandments).

Marriage equality WILL be realized, if not today, perhaps tomorrow – perchance next week, next year or the year after that. But we will win. Equality will happen. We will victor against those Bible-thumpers who claim it is God Himself who is against us, conveniently forgetting that in that same book they reference and hold up to the heavens in phony self-righteousness, slavery is sanctioned, eating shellfish is an abomination, and working on the Sabbath is punishable by death.

It was Noah Webster who added the term “man and woman” to the definition of “marriage”, thereby changing the course of history by invoking Biblical invocations to alter what was historically never gender-specific. Logically and humanely, by 2009, every major English dictionary either changed such specifications, or added secondary supplements to reinstate the original definition.

††††††

How apropos that this march on Washington falls on National Coming Out day. If every gay man and woman were brave enough to step out of their dark, dank, scary little closets then conceivably these equal rights marches would become obsolete. And, just think of the mammoth effect/affect if, even for one single day, every LGBT man or woman would go on strike – stop working for a single day! Not only would the American economy come to (that oft-used cliché) a screeching halt, but the military would fall to pieces and Washington would cease to function.

Such a mammoth undertaking might seem naive or far-reaching or an ideal too prodigious to attempt. I understand, but it would only help to hammer the inalienable fact that WE ARE NOT SECOND CLASS CITIZENS!

Marriage equality WILL be realized, if not today, perhaps tomorrow – perchance next week, next year or the year after that. But we will win. Equality will happen.

Equality will happen.

Happy Birthday Uncle Abe, Darwinism and the Devolution of Me

(See below to ‘devolve’ yourself!)

Yep, Abe Lincoln was/is my great, great, great gay/bisexual uncle, via marriage. Don’t laugh. While I never researched the truth in that – the ‘uncle’ aspect, not the ‘gay’ facet – I figured why would my mother lie for all those years ago about my heritage? I know, I know…with the internet in its second decade, you’d surmise that I would at least attempt to uncover the lineage. But, supposedly, her great grandmother’s sister was Mary Todd Lincoln.

As for the gay speculation, there’s more than enough evidence to suggest that Abe’s obsession with the theater had less to do than merely it being that era’s main source of entertainment. You can read about it HERE or HERE.

But that’s neither here nor there. Today marks Abe’s 200^th birthday, so Happy Birthday, Uncle Abe.

And, it is also the 200th birthday of Charles Darwin:

Sharing that bicentennial birthday milestone comes with some depressing news for Chuck – appallingly, only 39% OF AMERICANS BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION! THIRTY-NINE PERCENT!

Here how it breaks down:

So, 25% of Americans are total brain-atrophying idiots and 36% are brain-sterile cuckoos. At least the 1% stayed true to themselves and didn’t respond. It boggles te darkest caverns of the mind that in 2009, there are THAT many people who still we dreived from Adam and his rib-made companion, Eve. Oy.

Anyway…in the true spirit of Darwinism, I came across this funky ‘devolution’ website, via TOWLEROAD. You can ‘devolve’ your self by uploading a pic into their interface. Here’s what I would have looked like 3.2 million years ago during the Australopithecus afarensis era (or after I wake up after a 13-hour sleepathon on any given Sunday):

Damn, I’m still so strappingly handsome, ain’t I?

Devolve yourself HERE!

Religulous: Your God

What a godsend!

Says Richard Dawkins, author of “The God Delusion“:

“Religion is accustomed to getting a free ride – automatic tax breaks, unearned respect and the right not to be offended, the right to brainwash children. Even on the buses, nobody thinks twice when they see a religious slogan plastered across the side. This campaign to put alternative slogans on London buses will make people think – and thinking is anathema to religion.”

Amen.