Mariah Carey – My New Boyfriend

Music Box: Mariah Carey, Jimmy Fallon and the Roots

As someone who staunchly believes that her nearly 20-year old Christmas collection is the album of her career (the only completely – hell, possibly remotely – listenable one), I wasn’t sure what to expect, but what a delightful surprise! Leave it to Jimmy Fallon and the great Roots to add some extra Yuletide cheer by accompanying Mariah Carey to breathe some “acoustic” life into her classic holiday gem, “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” utilizing only children’s instruments and with some helpful harmonies courtesy a quartet of actual children (that added touch could have easily been cloying instead of its resulting sweetness). As someone usually so dependent on porn-star moans mixed with wailing brays, Carey hasn’t sounded so innocently playful – and joyful – in years. I surmise being a new mom can do that to someone.

Only a Scrooge would scoff.

Music Box Report Card: 2009 ~ La Belle…et La Betes…

Hasn’t been a stellar year for CDs. Well, rather than blame the output, I’ll blame myself. It hasn’t been a year I’ve spent hunting or gathering or submerging myself in new music. Whereas, in any given year, I’d hear hundreds of new releases, I’ve barely reached the one hundred mark in 2009. And the copious amount of hours spent between my headphones didn’t result in too many glorious moments. Except these. Here are my twenty favorite moments of musical bliss for the year…the beauty…followed by the beasts…

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LA BELLE

1 K’Naan – Troubadour

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2 Amadou & Mariam – Welcome To Mali

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3 Brad Paisley – American Saturday Night

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4 Maxwell – BLACKsummers’night

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5 Leonard Cohen – Live In London

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6 Neko Case – Middle Cyclone

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7 Antony & The Johnsons – The Crying Light

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8 Marianne Faithfull – Easy Come Easy Go

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9 Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavilion

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10 Melinda Doolittle – Coming Back To You

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11 Girls – Album

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12 Nirvana – Live At Reading

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13 Willie Nelson & Asleep At The Wheel – Willie and the Wheel

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14 Nellie McKay – Normal As Blueberry Pie: A Tribute To Doris Day

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15 The xx – The xx

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16 Pearl Jam – Backspacer

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17 Miranda Lambert – Revolution

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18 The Dirty Projectors – Bitte Orca

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19 The Avett Brothers – I and Love and You

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20 Mos Def – The Ecstatic

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ET LA BETE…

1 Mariah Carey – Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel

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2 Bon Jovi – The Circle

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3 Rob Thomas – Cradlesong

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4 Chris Cornell – Scream

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5 Eminem – Relapse

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6 Rascal Flatts – Greataest Hits Volume 1

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7 Chris Brown – Graffiti

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8 Asher Roth – Asleep In The Bread Aisle

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9 U2 – No Line On The Horizon

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10 Timbaland – Shock Value 2

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Hopefully it’s not too much to ask for a better 2010~

Music Box: On The 6th Day Of (Jeffrey)Christ-mas…

: We can forgive Talyor Momsen (pictured here as Cindy Lou Who) for HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS. But GOSSIP GIRL? Not so much.

…Jeffrey gave to you… “Where Are You Christmas” by (gads!) Faith Hill.

Now, I realize I just might be losing any musical credibility and trust I’ve gained over the years; I mean, I expect and accept the snickering, but I stand my ground with this one. Who could have imagined that the grimy, dank big-budget Jim Carey version of Dr. Seuss’ eternal HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS would beget a modern Christmas treasure, sung by likes of the bland, Country- politan Faith Hill no less?

Well, that’s exactly what schlock-meister composer James Horner gave us, because what ordinarily serves as an irritant in a standard epic blockbuster (say, “My Heart Will Go On” nearly sinking the great TITANIC) is the norm in a Christmas song – schmaltzy, tingling feelings, swelled with copious emotion is the benchmark of most holiday tunes, and on that point Horner delivers here tenfold. Hill’s natural flair for over-emoting to masquerade a competent-yet-flimsy voice (even here she’s wobbly on the lows and strains on the crescendos) was a good 2^nd choice performer (Co-writer Mariah Carey’s version never appeared anywhere, because of some legalities with her ex-husband, and while her 1994 holiday collection is a miraculous anomaly – read about it HERE – I’m not sure the post-divorced Carey, seeped in her Hip Hop harlot insurrection, would have done “Where Are You Christmas” any favors – I can’t imagine it with porn-lite breathiness. So, thanks Tommy Motolla!)

The most magical thing about “Where Are You Christmas” is its universality. It doesn’t belong to Hill; I can imagine a great vocalist doing wonders with the sentimentality of the lyric, the mush of the arrangement, the overt histrionics of the bridge, just as I can envision a neophyte understanding its poignancy. It’s what Christmas songs are made for. And “Where Are You Christmas” is what Christmas songs are made of.

Faith Hill’s original theme from the film…

Music Box: On The 2nd Day Of (Jeffrey)Christ-mas…

: The Christian ~ D’Onofrio Residence, December 2008

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…Jeffrey gives to you…something he, himself, is totally bamboozled by – Mariah Carey’s “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing/Gloria (In Excelsis Deo)”.

It’s a personal opinion, of course (and for years I was in the minority, though not so much anymore), but there hasn’t been a listenable album in the whole of Mariah Carey’s archives – she morphed from Mrs. Tommy Motolla’s conservatively-clad fembot with a piercing, wheezing voice millions mistook for a prodigious range, to a scantily clad hip-hip earwig, selling her breast implants and porn tics to the masses with nary a memorable hook in earshot (I re-christened her curiously heralded “comeback” THE EMANCIPATION OF MIMI as THE ATTACK OF THE SCREAMING MIMI).

It’s actually no real surprise that the only memorable CD in her catalogue is her wonderful MERRY CHRISTMAS anthology, released back in 1994 while still under the influence of her Svengali husband. If nothing else, Motolla kept Carey’s public image thwarted of the overt sexual histrionics (not that sexuality is a negative, of course) that would plague her post-divorce output. MERRY CHRISTMAS is chock full of exhilarating holiday staples and wondrous originals; her composition “All I Want For Christmas Is You” stands tall with the most ineradicable holiday classics and was going to be my (Jeffrey)Christ-mas Day 2 selection.

But the one track I am continually drawn back to – hence its inclusion here – is her interpretation of “Hark!” which is, in a word, magnificent. She doesn’t allow the self-infatuation with her own voice to negate the beauty of the arrangement, instead allowing it to be the vessel for the song’s exquisite simplicity. The song ends when it should, with no typical Careyisms, no vocal acrobatics, no diversion from the melody to belabor her usual solipsism. MERRY CHRISTMAS is a treasure trove, and “Hark…” one of its most shimmering pieces.