Agnostic Is The New Black


I often joke with my friends that I claim agnosticism “just in case”.  In all actuality, I could be any various forms of such.  I could be an atheistic agnostic, which is no different from an agnostic atheism.  I’m more likely a pragmatic agnostic or apathetic agnostic (there’s barely a difference).  But, more often than not I will claim good ol’ plain-Jane agnosticism.  Both theism and atheism imbue such finality and, lets face it, presumptuousness  – I mean, who the hell knows?  There is no more proof that a god exists than there is evidence that it is all a fabrication.

I do know that innately I’m more of a skeptic than a believer (i.e. don’t get me started on that great literary work of fiction known as The Bible!).  Maybe I’m an agnostic-bordering-on-atheist, or merely an atheist masqueraded as an agnostic?  Feh.  Labels.

That being said (whatever the hell “that” is, exactly), I came across this article (thanx Rickey) that lists the Top 50 Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker aphorisms.  These are more truthful than any zealot can attempt to sell me on his or her religion, but I don’t post to offend.  I mean, atheist or theist, or agnostic, this is some funny shit right here!

Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Stickers

  1. Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers
  2. Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole
  3. Intelligent Design Makes My Monkey Cry
  4. Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.
  5. There’s A REASON Why Atheists Don’t Fly Planes Into Buildings
  6. “Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day.”­ God.
  7. God Doesn’t Kill People. People Who Believe in God Kill People.
  8. If There is No God, Then What Makes the Next Kleenex Pop Up?
  9. He’s Dead.
    It’s Been 2,000 years.
    He’s Not Coming Back.
    Get OVER It Already!
  10. All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. Edgar Allen Poe.
  11. Viva La Evolución!
  12. Actually, If You Look It Up, The Winter Solstice Is The Reason For The Season
  13. I Wouldn’t Trust Your God Even If He Did Exist
  14. Cheeses Is Lard. Argue With THAT If You Can.
  15. People Who Don’t Want Their Beliefs Laughed at Shouldn’t Have Such Funny Beliefs
  16. Jesus is Coming? Don’t Swallow That.
  17. Threatening Children With Hell Is FUN!
  19. Jesus Told Me Republicans SUCK
  20. God + Whacky Tobacky = Platypus
  21. God Doesn’t Exist. So, I Guess That Means No One Loves You.
  22. When the Rapture Comes, We’ll Get Our Country Back!
  23. Q. How Do We Know the Holy Ghost Was Catholic?
    A. He Used the Rhythm Method Instead of a Condom.
  24. You Say “Heretic” Like It Was a BAD Thing
  25. I Love Christians. They Taste Like Chicken.
  26. Science: It Works, Bitches.
  27. “Intelligent Design”: Helping Stupid People Feel Smart Since 1987
  28. I Found God Between The Sheets
  29. I Gave Up Superstitious Mumbo Jumbo For Lent
  30. My Flying Monkey Can Beat Up Your Guardian Angel
  31. Every Time You Play With Yourself, God Kills a Kitten
  32. If God Wanted People to Believe in Him, Then Why Did He Invent Logic?
  33. Praying Is Politically Correct Schizophrenia
  34. ALL Americans Are African Americans
  35. I Forget – Which Day Did God Make All The Fossils?
  36. I Was An Atheist Until The Hindus Convinced Me That I Was God
  37. The Spanish Inquisition: The Original Faith-based Initiative
  38. If we were made in his image, when why aren’t humans invisible too?
  39. JESUS SAVES….You From Thinking For Yourself
  40. How Can You Disbelieve in Evolution If You Can’t Even Define It?
  41. Q. How Can You Tell That Your God is Man-made?
    A. If He Hates All the Same People You Do.
  42. Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex
  43. I Went to Public School in Kansas and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt and a Poor Understanding of the Scientific Method.
  44. WWJD = We Won. Jesus Died.
  45. The Family That Prays Together is Brainwashing the Children
  46. Oh, Look, Honey Another Pro-lifer For War
  47. Another Godless Atheist for Peace and World Harmony
  48. God is Unavailable Right Now. Can I Help You?
  49. When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on
    Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out.  Frank  Sinatra.
  50. No Gods. No Mullets.



  1. I would have to say that I’m more objective to religion than doubtful. Just as Jesus said; “The wise man builds his house upon the rock, and the fool builds his house upon the sand”, which is a parable. The rock represents the truth and foundation, and the sand represents falseness and foundation. The houses represents one’s beliefs. In other words does one base their beliefs on truth (like science), or does one base their truths on beliefs (like religions)? This statement that Jesus said CONTRADICTS the Bible because it says Old Testiment which implies witness’s and the very first book, of the very first chapter, of the very first verse; “In the beginning God created Heaven and Earth”, is absent of any witness.
    So how is the foundation of the Bible truth, if it is absent of a true witness? Some biblical scholars believe it was Moses that wrote the Torah (the first five books of the Bible), but how could he be the witness of the creation of Heaven and Earth if he hadn’t been born yet?
    Is this one’s truth that you want to believe?
    At best it is nothing more than hear-say. This would be a contradiction of itself and truth never contradicts itself.

    Evolution is real. It is supported by substanciated evidence like: DNA, transitional fossils (missing links), and other known creditible sciences. It is a scientific theory like gravity. No longer is it a hypothesis. Unlike Christianity or Intelligent Design, which has at best circumstancial evidence.

    As far as I’m concerned the Bible might as well start out as saying, “Once upon a time”.

    If thy have a boastful tongue let it be that which rest upon thy head the Crown of Truth.

    P.S. I like “Real men don’t have imaginary friends”, and “Impeach Bush, torture Chaney”.

  2. There are few things I love more than anything making fun of the religious circuses. It always makes me laugh (in more of a scared kind of way) when people like George Bush preach their “christian” values upon a whole nation, while at the same time starting wars and letting thousands die. Religion is the ultimate hippocrisy! Great posting!

  3. Ha, we are so alike! I always say that I’m an agnostic with atheistic tendencies. Meaning, I’m not arrogant enough to insist there IS NOT a god, but I don’t believe other people should be arrogant enough to insist there IS. Know what I mean?

  4. Darlin’, I take minor offence at calling the Bible a work of literary fiction when they are doing archeological surveys of different cities that are mentioned in said piece of work and they probably found the remains of the man believed to be Jesus, son of Mary.

    The Bible is a historical account of the ancient Jewish people, the tribes that they encountered and the extra-terrestrials that helped them along the way.


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