I often joke with my friends that I claim agnosticism “just in case”. In all actuality, I could be any various forms of such. I could be an atheistic agnostic, which is no different from an agnostic atheism. I’m more likely a pragmatic agnostic or apathetic agnostic (there’s barely a difference). But, more often than not I will claim good ol’ plain-Jane agnosticism. Both theism and atheism imbue such finality and, lets face it, presumptuousness – I mean, who the hell knows? There is no more proof that a god exists than there is evidence that it is all a fabrication.
I do know that innately I’m more of a skeptic than a believer (i.e. don’t get me started on that great literary work of fiction known as The Bible!). Maybe I’m an agnostic-bordering-on-atheist, or merely an atheist masqueraded as an agnostic? Feh. Labels.
That being said (whatever the hell “that” is, exactly), I came across this article (thanx Rickey) that lists the Top 50 Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker aphorisms. These are more truthful than any zealot can attempt to sell me on his or her religion, but I don’t post to offend. I mean, atheist or theist, or agnostic, this is some funny shit right here!
Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Stickers
- Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers
- Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole
- Intelligent Design Makes My Monkey Cry
- Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.
- There’s A REASON Why Atheists Don’t Fly Planes Into Buildings
- “Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day.” God.
- God Doesn’t Kill People. People Who Believe in God Kill People.
- If There is No God, Then What Makes the Next Kleenex Pop Up?
- He’s Dead.
It’s Been 2,000 years.
He’s Not Coming Back.
Get OVER It Already!
- All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. Edgar Allen Poe.
- Viva La Evolución!
- Actually, If You Look It Up, The Winter Solstice Is The Reason For The Season
- I Wouldn’t Trust Your God Even If He Did Exist
- Cheeses Is Lard. Argue With THAT If You Can.
- People Who Don’t Want Their Beliefs Laughed at Shouldn’t Have Such Funny Beliefs
- Jesus is Coming? Don’t Swallow That.
- Threatening Children With Hell Is FUN!
- GOD – APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!
- Jesus Told Me Republicans SUCK
- God + Whacky Tobacky = Platypus
- God Doesn’t Exist. So, I Guess That Means No One Loves You.
- When the Rapture Comes, We’ll Get Our Country Back!
- Q. How Do We Know the Holy Ghost Was Catholic?
A. He Used the Rhythm Method Instead of a Condom.
- You Say “Heretic” Like It Was a BAD Thing
- I Love Christians. They Taste Like Chicken.
- Science: It Works, Bitches.
- “Intelligent Design”: Helping Stupid People Feel Smart Since 1987
- I Found God Between The Sheets
- I Gave Up Superstitious Mumbo Jumbo For Lent
- My Flying Monkey Can Beat Up Your Guardian Angel
- Every Time You Play With Yourself, God Kills a Kitten
- If God Wanted People to Believe in Him, Then Why Did He Invent Logic?
- Praying Is Politically Correct Schizophrenia
- ALL Americans Are African Americans
- I Forget – Which Day Did God Make All The Fossils?
- I Was An Atheist Until The Hindus Convinced Me That I Was God
- The Spanish Inquisition: The Original Faith-based Initiative
- If we were made in his image, when why aren’t humans invisible too?
- JESUS SAVES….You From Thinking For Yourself
- How Can You Disbelieve in Evolution If You Can’t Even Define It?
- Q. How Can You Tell That Your God is Man-made?
A. If He Hates All the Same People You Do.
- Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex
- I Went to Public School in Kansas and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt and a Poor Understanding of the Scientific Method.
- WWJD = We Won. Jesus Died.
- The Family That Prays Together is Brainwashing the Children
- Oh, Look, Honey Another Pro-lifer For War
- Another Godless Atheist for Peace and World Harmony
- God is Unavailable Right Now. Can I Help You?
- When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on
Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out. Frank Sinatra.
- No Gods. No Mullets.